An email landed in my inbox on the first of the month reminding me that 13th November is World Kindness Day, adding but why wait? It spoke about the ripples of kindness, how every small act makes someone feel a little better and how they might then send their own random act of kindness out in some unexpected, unknown direction. There was a tech thing involved that I ignored, as a kindness to myself.
It is sad that we even need such a thing as a World Kindness Day, that as the allegedly superior species on this tiny ball of rock in an unexplored, inexplicable universe, we need to be reminded to be kind. To be kin. To remember we are family, not just with those closest to us, but with everyone and everything else on this tiny ball of rock. With the rock itself. Mother Earth may sound fanciful to some, but without her (it, if you prefer) we would not be here. There would be no ‘here’ to be.
I start to wonder about why we often choose cynicism over kindness. I’m not immune from that response, the reluctance to drop even a few coppers (or even more that I could easily afford) into the beggar’s bowl, for instance.
I know. I know. There may be better ways of helping some of these people…but equally, for some of them, there may not.
I know. I know. Not every person cadging change on the streets is homeless or hungry…but some of them are. And I for one, am not qualified to tell the difference. I dislike my own cynicism. I wish I could choose kindness instead.
Why don’t I?
There’s a question to sit with. Do I care more about the possibility that I am being played for a fool, than about the possibility I’m actually making a difference to someone’s day?
The answer may not be a comfortable one.
So I move on to other thoughts, which – right there – is the problem. But maybe it will loop back at some point.
~
I suspect that one of the reasons we are often not so good at being kind is because we’re not entirely sure what it is. We’re not very good at “seeing” kindness, which means that we forget how easy it is. Kind doesn’t have to be massive. Kind can be tiny. It can be a simple smile. Dolly Parton used to say that “if you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours.” I try to do that. I am always surprised and, I’ll admit it, delighted when a stranger in the street returns a smile – especially so when they do so with a look of surprise.
How much effort does it take just to smile at a passing stranger? And we will never know how much difference it might make to their day. Maybe none at all, maybe all the difference in the world. That look of surprise speaks of loneliness, or lostness, or at the very least of having a bit of a rubbish day. It speaks volumes about how easy it is, sometimes, to make the world a better place. Just unhunch your stance as you walk, look around and smile at a few people.
It makes my day brighter too.
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In my journal that morning, before I read the email, I was reflecting on my intentions for the day. It was a rainy morning. I wrote this: I look out at a patch of blue sky. A gull flies over catching the light, one of my totem animals. Freedom. Independence. The ability to choose. I choose love. I choose kindness….Today I choose to look for miracles.
I believe kindness is a miracle. The giving of something for no reward. Be it ever so small or be it huge. The urge to be kind – as tempting as it is to say this is something uniquely human, I don’t think so – you see it across the animal and plant and fungal kingdoms – the giving with maybe hope, but no expectation of a return on investment – it is an urge that in itself is miraculous. It has no evolutionary value, no survival instinct payback, because often the nature of kindness is
that there is no payback at all, ever. That’s part of the definition.
Or maybe what payback there is, is so far down the time-line that we will not see it. Or so far away in the world in current time that we will not see it. But we do it anyway.
We throw coins into the box. We donate what we do not need. We smile at strangers we will never see again.
~
I try – and sometimes succeed – to see the ways in which I am on the receiving end. There are the obvious occasions, when friends are there when I need them, when a stranger smiles first or risks an unasked-for compliment in passing.
These are the lessons in ‘Oh, how often do I risk doing that’? When did I last tell someone on the street the honest thing that I love their outfit?
When did I last give the poem inspired by a passing conversational comment to the person who inspired it? (Last week as it happens, but not often enough is the truth.)
The risk of doing that. Why risk? That implies that I fear my kind, or well-meant, or loving intention maybe rejected. Or mis-interpreted.
Of course.
I do.
We are all tender folk at heart. At least, we should be, because that tender heart is where all the kindness, well-meaning and love is born, and from where it totters uncertainly out into the world. Like every toddler it will fall again and again before it learns to walk confidently.
I’m still toddling. But I am learning to walk with more confidence. I am learning the art of the Random Act of Kindness. I am learning to just do it and walk away. I am learning to not care about how the outsiders perceive my acts of generosity (or stupid naivety).
And I am learning to notice the receiving of it. The smallest of gifts from someone who cannot afford them. The giving of time, or learning, or advice – even when I don’t want any of it. If it is kindly meant, I am learning to accept it in the spirit in which it is given. Softening my responses. Sometimes receiving with grace can be an act of kindness in itself.
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Kindness in my world this week…from the world to me…
…the days the sun shone and it didn’t rain, when I needed to walk
…the rose bush that gives, just one flower at a time
…cards from friends with heartfelt messages
…a cup of coffee and a Danish pastry
…a book I would never have found
…a writing circle hosted for free
…hugs, compliments, smiles
…unexpected greetings from old friends, not seen for a long time
…days when the pool is quiet enough for me to push on through
…the gift of time
~ ~ ~
Life has been kind to me for a long time...but I am still only just learning the many ways in which I can return the favour. Not on one or a few designated days of the year, but every day. Work-in-progress.
