When I recognise that my life is fluctuating between deep contentment and unexplained sadness, that I recognise as teetering on the edge of depression, I know that I am doing something wrong, or at least not doing enough things right. Almost certainly small things. Or perhaps recent events have shocked me into recognising places where I am resisting my life as it is, clinging to things that cannot be rather than just accepting the reality and the probable future just as it is.
I take a time out to do a little of what I have come to call life-planning. I accept that plans are just maps, and they can be helpful or disastrous depending up on how well they are drawn, how well they reflect the actual terrain. They can also be helpful or disastrous depending upon how we choose to use them.
I have no idea where to start. I recognise that in terms of my vision for this final third of my life, there are some areas where I am bang on track and all is progressing at its own pace. Then there are the other segments where I am so far off course that I’ve forgotten what direction I am trying to go in. I put out a few feelers for support, but until I have clarity on what I’m trying to do, there’s not much anyone can do to help me do it.
I trawl back through old files on motivation, coaching, and all the stuff. I get insights into where I was, but nothing screams out at me to go back to what worked back then. Nothing calls to me.
Until something does…a quiet whisper calls me back to The Listening Path. I have worked through Julia Cameron’s book (essentially a direct follow-up to The Artist’s Way) before. I even did her live tutored course on the programme. I’m sure I got a great deal from it at the time, but maybe not enough. Maybe it was time to check in again. The whisper in my head clearly thought so.
I decide to work through the programme, week by week, exercise by exercise.
Being a fan of The Artist’s Way, many of the tools are familiar to me. Familiar, but not necessarily effectively deployed. For those not familiar with Cameron's teaching on freeing our inner creative, the core tools or techniques are: Morning Pages, the Artist’s Date, and Walks.
For those not familiar with Cameron's work, she uses the word Artist to incorporate all creatives, be they writers, composers, musicians, painters, sculptors, designers.
I came to Morning Pages even before I came to The Artist’s Way proper. I’ve journalled on and off for however long, but I committed to Morning Pages in February 2017 and have yet to miss a day. I break Cameron’s rules all over the place, but that’s ok, because she also says there is no wrong way to do Pages. I use A5 rather than A4, and sometimes I write more than the prescribed “three pages and stop”. Sometimes it is full stream of consciousness. Sometimes my consciousness cannot manage a ‘stream’ and insists on being sputtery. All good. Morning Pages: check! I literally cannot imagine starting a day without starting it in my journal.
The Artist’s Date is another matter entirely. Like many people I actively resisted these for a while. Then I tried to do them and somehow failed. A lot of people fail because they take them too earnestly and set about doing productive things rather than just having fun. My problem was a different one and it has taken me a long time to figure it out.
I am not a typical Artist's Way candidate. I am not over-stressed with busyness. I don't have a day job or a family getting in the way of whatever I want to do. And I am not starving in a garret.
For obvious and valid reasons Cameron underlines the idea that the Artist Date does not need to be long, does not need to be expensive. She gives many examples of things that count (if they are fun for you) that only take an hour or so and do not cost much, if anything at all. Unfortunately, I misinterpreted this.
I read repeatedly that an Artist's Date does not need to take more than an hour or so, and does not need to cost very much. I internalised that as it should be cheap and cheerful and not take up too much of your time. I internalised that as the prescription. So I discounted a lot of what I have in train, that absolutely fits the requirements: things that I do on my own, for fun. But which take up quite a bit of time and do not come cheap.
This year I have promised myself one away-trip every month, even if it’s only for one night. These are solo jaunts (of necessity rather than choice, but they are). So what are they if not extended Artist’s Dates? What are the theatre trips I have tickets for (again on my own) if not Artist’s Dates? What is a Brucie gig (solo!) if not an Artist’s Date? I am fortunate in that I can afford to do what I choose to do at this point in my life - and spend as much time as I like doing it. It has not always been so and it may not always be so in the future, but right now, I can.
So, finally! Clunk! I catch on.
Why should I not treat my inner Artist as if I have just fallen in love with her? Why should I not shower her with extravagant gifts? There are so many things already either lined up or in planning that genuinely count as Artist Dates, if I choose to look at them that way. The only divergence from the formula is the cost and the time…but…why not?
The programme requires a Date every week and I certainly don’t have that many planned, but if I count the things I do have on the calendar, then all I need to do is work in smaller events, jaunts, micro-adventures in around them…on the weeks where nothing is planned. Or (brainwave!) where things are planned that are NOT Artist Dates, but where such Dates could be tacked on before or
after. Or even in the middle if I choose to sneak off on my own for a while.
The final technique is as simple as a 20-minute Walk. Twice a week.
I walk a lot. Anyone who does not drive walks a lot. Also I was brought up to love walking. I walked with my Dad. I walked with friends, boyfriends, church groups. I went on walking holidays, in groups and alone. I like to walk. I have drifted away from the practice, but one of my recently ignited projects is bringing me back to it. Not sufficiently for Listening Path purposes, but obviously the seed is sown that it is something my soul is already calling me to do.
Again, there is the question of 'how difficult do we need to make this?' Julia gets her walks in by walking her dog. It’s a necessary thing. I walk to the pool – a mile each way. I walk at the beach. figure that all I need to do, is be more mindful on my ‘getting there’ walks – use them more fully in other words - and also to fully register my pleasure walks.
I have specific longer walks planned. I figure these can be part “Walk”, part “Artist Date”. I don’t think there are any rules against combining. In fact, I suggest it is to be recommended.
As I'm pondering all of this I realilse that I would like to get back to walking my ‘lock-down routes’ again. They were so important during those years, it seems ungrateful to neglect them now.
So, having re-read the intro and the first chapter, I'm committed. I'm going to do this. And I find the idea comforting. There is so much about The Listening Path that is familiar that I’m thinking maybe I’m not as far adrift as I thought I was. Maybe also, the decision to “do the programme” over, means I’m allowing my hand to be held for the next six weeks while I work through it. Maybe I want someone to hold my hand for a little while, while I get myself more fully back to centre.
I say “six weeks” because it is a six-week programme, but actually it will take longer than that on this occasion - because I am going to allow it to. I have decided to work through all of the “try this” exercises and document what comes out of them, and I will fit them in around other things, so I suspect each ‘week’ of the programme is going to take me a lot longer than 7 days. And that’s cool. That means my hand is held for a lot longer…and maybe I’ll be even further forward when I get to the end of the book and can let go of it.
Just to prove my point: this isn't the blog I sat down to write this week. I sat down to write a Soundscape of my day, which is the first exercise in the book, but I felt a little context would make more sense of it. Turns out I had more than a little context to share. I'll post the soundscape next week. And in the mean time, I'll leave you with the very simple idea that listening is a way of connecting, the more we listen, the more we hear.
For more info on The Listening Path, click the link The Listening Path (UK) | Julia Cameron Live
